Life as I know it has changed forever. Somebody I thought I was very close to has done the worst thing you could do to a family. My father has left us. A girl 7 years older than me, and for over 2 years... And another woman before that. I cannot begin to describe the pain that we have been through in the last 2 weeks (it was two weeks ago today he walked out). There were no signs, no signals, no arguments. It is like a huge earthquake has just hit our family and destroyed everything, and now we have to suffer with the aftershocks.
The fact this 'woman' is so close to my age makes me ill. This man I've looked up to for my whole life, my parents who I always hoped I would be as happy as, this FAMILY who I was so happy about... A normal family... has just been taken from under me. My poor mother has never been anything but the perfect wife and best friend to him. This was always one of my worst nightmares, to the point I never thought about it because I just didn't believe it would ever happen to me. Unfortunately it is a cruel world... I have learnt that. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. My mum, my brother and I have become closer almost instantly and there is so much strength between us, we know we will get through it.
He wants to try and work things out, he wants to come back.... but he's staying with HER. I would like to announce her name to all but I wont be that harsh. Although really I should be. I know where she lives, I already drove by the other day before we were sure it was her, and I saw his car there. Previous to that, someone smashed our letterbox to pieces... It's like a movie! Our family has always been gentle and loving and now I feel I'm in another family at times. I become very disconnected, and go into 'mother' mode and begin looking after my family. This family whom he decided he wasn't sure he wanted. His work, his patients are all more important than us.
We are strong. We will get through this.
Been a while. Many changes. A lot of university work... Somehow with all that's been happening, I'm managing to get better marks for work than I ever have! Interesting how terribly things affect you.
Feeling somewhat frustrated. I observe too much, and consequently think too much. I watch how people act or talk, and I'm almost always bothered. Which is very frustrating. All I notice is that I must be so different. I'm unsure yet whether that is a good thing. Of course, I do like who I am but I get the feeling others don't feel the same way. Frequently I don't feel like I quite fit in with certain people. Maybe I should be glad about that with some of the people I know!! But still, there's that human instinct to be apart of a group. Of course I have my friends! But there's people outside that group that I associate with and they really seem to act like I'm not 'cool enough to talk to'. Ridiculous isn't it? Why would I want to be apart of that? It's like high school all over again. That was 6 years ago for me, I was over it before school finished!
